The Lonely Sailor

Gasping for breath I flail, my sailboat has been flipped by the raging storm outside, in which I am encompassed right now. Trying to make sense of it all, I fight the torrent rushing at me. I have no clue from where the water is coming or what way I am swimming. I'm not even swimming, I'm just moving my arms in a feeble attempt to resist nature.

Nature, in all of its majesty and peacefulness, is more violent than any war-torn country. It can make a glorious, mile-long and seemingly impregnable steel ship bend in half and become devoured by the unslakable ocean, only to be rediscovered later covered in plants, and half-buried in sand. It can turn a thriving city into a serene lake, filled with disease and pain.

Now here I am, resisting futilely, trying to think of a way to escape. Shards of wood are flying past, along with metal parts of the former stairs to the upper deck. My sanctuary is quickly becoming my demise. I am stuck in a room, and it's pitch black, except for a sliver of light at the top, or is it the bottom, or side, of this encasement. After I reach the hole, I firmly shake the hatch and it slides open lethargically.

I hear the frightening creak of my boat crumbling up like a piece of paper destined for the rubbish. The creaking reminds me of the melancholy, slow utterances of whales I hear on informational t.v. shows. Maybe it is a whale, but I am not worried about that right now. My lungs are burning, and my brain is yearning for precious oxygen, the pangs grow more unbearable each second.

I swim with all my strength up, up, up, even though I have no idea which way I am going. Give me air!, give me life!, my body screams at me. It cant be too far away, I know it. I reach for air, as if air was palpable and I could grab it, but to no avail. There is only water and I do not have gills. The water pushed more on my ears, and I felt it, which told me that I was going the wrong way. Too late to turn back, I'm much too far to make it back up. I accept the fact of my impending death. BREATHE!!!
My brain tells my body, for it can't take it anymore, it's dry.

I inhale the life-giving water and salt, but this is not air, and my brain is not fed. I start to think of more peaceful things. My body has already given up, and I lay on a bed of grass, surrounded by plants and melodically chirping birds. Slowly the coldness of the water drifts away and I am warm, and calm, relaxed. Finally I forget about what has happened and it's just me, completely relaxed, and peaceful with myself, and I drift away, succumbing to the storm.

I Jumped

The world was being destroyed. Humanity was destroying itself, destroying the world. So I jumped, and just kept going, straight up, looking back to see the mushrooms sprouting out of the earth. Ironic, death is given such an unexpected face, a mushroom, poisonous yet peaceful. I guess when the mushrooms disappear there will be peace, only after the poisonous clouds wipe out remaining life.

So it was just me, in space, flying away, abandoning hope, while hoping. Hoping that I would reach another place, another chance. In my travels, I passed a probe, with a flag of the former United States painted on it. It just continued in a straight line, without a purpose. It probably would have brought valuable information hinting at hope of life on another planet, but now it travels in vain, one of the few remnants of civilization. Maybe the probe was a preemptive attempt to establish life somewhere else, and they knew that they couldn't stay on that planet much longer.

There were comets off in the distance, emanating beauty in a tail of elegance, as their icy body melted off gradually from the heat of the nearby stars. Eventually they too will meet the same fate as my former home, melting down to nothing, and being forgotten. But at that time, it dazzled anything that was blessed with its presence, even though I was the only one who could see them. I had no one to tell this to, no one to share this vision with, so I could only awe myself with it.

The giant belt of rocks I passed consisted of millions of giant boulders, the size of buildings, crashing into each other with force I had yet to witness. Every collision pulverized the participating rocks, and it seemed if let to go on forever, that they would eventually turn themselves into dust, and lose their quality of being the obstacle course of our mini-universe.

Up higher, I could see all the planets in our solar system, looking so insignificant. I was headed toward a larger light, more hopeful looking then others. As the days passed, it appeared larger and larger. I didn't even have days anymore. When you get far enough away from the blanket of the sun, it becomes out of reach, and time becomes your own.

Even higher, above the sky of our system, I reminisced about the days when I lived on what then was a not even visible speck in the vast expanse of my field of vision. I thought about my days as a teacher. I taught my students history of our civilization on the grounds that history repeats itself. Now I realize that that statement is only partially true. History does repeat itself, but each time it repeats, it repeats itself ten times more intensely.

The former generations were limited by the technology that they had, they could wreak havoc on themselves, but there was only so much you can do with clubs and sharpened bone. As projectiles were discovered, killing was much easier, and with each advance in technology, ease of killing advanced. Then one day we harnessed the power that until that point in time, only god, or whatever made everything, had been able to harness. We could split an atom, the quintessential unit of matter. We could split existence. Before long, the world's inhabitants had the power to make the world uninhabitable with a couple depressions of buttons. So, unavoidably, history repeated itself, except this time, when we tried to destroy each other, we were capable of it and succeeded.

As I got closer to my destination, the light in the center enticed me and everything around it into its grasp. Closer, closer, and my hope was suddenly shattered by a sudden realization. This hole was attracting everything inside of it, but nothing was coming out. I was already at the point of no return, but still I tried to swim against the judgement whirlpool's current desperately. Like a bug to a zapper, there was nothing I could do to fight it. Faster, I approached it, faster, with every unit of time.

Doom was inevitable. I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of this colossal engine of ending. It looked so serene, and there was no noise coming from it. But I knew what it really was, the most violent device in the universe. My body began to stretch, and I could see everything else being swallowed into this garbage disposal to nowhere. I just closed my eyes again and waited for it to end. Eventually there was nothing.

Maybe the nature of the universe is inevitable ending. Things are created to be destroyed, and life is a catalyst. I question whether any one thing can coexist with another forever. From a super giant celestial whirlpool eating itself and everything around it, to humanity collapsing in on itself, it seems as though it can't. I don't think I ever had a chance to begin with, or if everything is just too competitive.

Just as something as minute as a virus, after being almost completely eliminated, can build resistance and reestablish itself, maybe the largest entity that I know of, the universe, will reach the same fate as everything in its domain, and eventually be sanded away by itself, and reestablish itself. If it does, then will history repeat itself and come to a violent end again? Or will the new universe have a more peaceful existence? Perhaps somewhere out there in space, there is a universe that lacks violence, and that began peacefully, unlike with the bang of our current universe. On that universe, history wouldn't repeat itself, it would just continue.

Im Red/Green Colorblind

So I was at the eye doctor the other day, and I seemed to pass everything, including the barrage of separate lenses and letters, until the eye doctor showed be some big circles comprised of little circles of different colors. Then she asked if I saw a number in each of them, and I told her a number for each one, but on a few I struggled to see some. I forgot to study the night before because I thought I knew all the stuff, but I failed the color test! So after I was transported into the next room, probably for further interrogation regarding my color faux-pas, a different, more official looking doctor accompanied by a sidekick intern walked in.

Then she broke the news. "You're mildly red/green colorblind"

"Oh..." I replied

"It's no big deal its not like it changes a lot but you might not be able to be a fighter-pilot when you grow up."

I was devastated. All my life all I could think about was being a fighter pilot, flying around, doing flips in midair, taking out other fighter pilots. When I was 3 I got my first model airplane to play with and I was in love with planes ever since. I even tried flying one off the roof of my 2 story house when I was 8, and it worked.

Just kidding, I actually never really wanted to be a fighter pilot or anything.

When I asked the doctor how this affects the way I see things, she told me: "That's more of a philosophical question, I really don't know. Maybe its just different for you."

"Great." I thought. Now I have to go around for the rest of my life trying to think about how I see differently, mildly differently. Maybe Christmas is just less exciting for me. Maybe my red and green colors are switched. I guess I'll just ask a philosopher, who is probably better with philosophical questions than I am.

My whole life has been a lie and I have no idea what red and green is now. For now, I suppose I will just walk around, maimed in the eyes. Hopefully I will survive this colorblindness and continue on with my life...

Actually, its no big deal and doesn't really change anything at all, so I'm not worried about it.

There's An Eyelash in my Eye

There's an eyelash in my eye right now, and I can't get it out. Its really starting to piss me off. I think the most annoying part is that I can't see it. Its literally on top of my eyeball and I can't see it. I think it wants to be seen though, because when I close my eye, it starts scratching the inside of my eyelids so I have to rub it. Then people are like "Don't rub it!!11one It's gonna make it worse!1". These people have clearly never had an eyelash stuck on top of their eyeball. All you can do is rub it. Then when I finally open my eye, the eyelash suddenly gets shy and yanks the curtains back down violently, continuing its barrage of scratching from the inside. This is insubordination. My eyelids are ordered (by me) to stay and protect my vulnerable seeing apparatuses from dirt and dust and other debris. What do they do? Fall out of formation and rebel, becoming debris themselves. I will not stand for this. One of these days I am going to kill my eyelashes. Just not now. For now I will sit here writing with one hand and one eye, and rubbing with my other hand.